Rapid Transformational Therapy with Natalie Ryan Hebert
EPISODE 25
Today, we discuss an interesting form of therapy, that has proven effective in dealing with past trauma, among many other things.
Natalie Ryan Hebert is joining me, as we dig into what Rapid Transformational Therapy is, how it can help with many of the issues we face as women in our 40’s, including inner child work and mom guilt. Natalie shares the story of her struggles and how her life was changed when she discovered RTT, by stumbling upon Marisa Peer online one day.
Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is a super therapy developed and fine-tuned over thirty years by world-renowned therapist Marisa Peer. It combines the most effective principles of Hypnotherapy, NLP, Psychotherapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to bring unparalleled results in one to three sessions.
Natalie was one of the first in Denmark to become certified as an RTT Practitioner, trained by Marisa, and she continues ongoing coaching and development with her and her team. She also works closely with a group of Psychologists, coaches and Psychotherapists who all agree this is the most effective method they have ever used or encountered.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Doryn Wallach:
Welcome to It's Not A Crisis. I am your host, Doryn Wallach. I'm an entrepreneur, a mother of two, a wife and a 40 something, trying to figure out, "What is happening in this decade? Why is no one talking about it?" I created this podcast to help women in their late 30s and 40s to figure out what is going on in our mind, body, soul and life. We may laugh. We may cry. We may get frustrated. But most importantly, my goal is to make this next chapter of life positive. I'm also full of my own questions, and I'm here to go on this journey with you. So, let's do it together.
Hi, everyone. I cannot believe it's almost February. How did that happen? Don't you feel like March happened and then everything else is fuzzy until then? That's how I feel. Anyway, today's episode, I have a really interesting guest. She does something I've never heard of before. I had to have her on, because not only am I having her talk about what she does, but she has worked with PMDD patients because she had it herself and cured it through this type of therapy. But many other things for women has she cured through this therapy. So, when I contacted Natalie, we had our first conversation. I said, "Okay, here's the deal. I want to interview you before. And then I want to go through this therapy with you. I want to talk about the experience after."
So, this is our initial interview. She talks about what she does. And then I'm going to go through the program and hopefully come back a new person after all of this, but you're going to love Natalie. Her voice is so relaxing. You'll understand why she does what she does and maybe get sleepy, but don't fall asleep because then you'll miss the podcast. Natalie Ryan Hebert is a Rapid Transformational Therapy practitioner and coach. What is that? Well, you're going to have to listen to hear a little bit more. She was born in Australia. She now lives in Copenhagen, Denmark with her husband and four kids.
Working with clients all over the world via Zoom, Natalie helps people to rewire their minds and in turn change their lives using RTT, a hybrid therapy combining the best of hypnotherapy, parts therapy, inner child work and NLP to bring transformative results. Natalie has worked with all sorts of issues from weight release to money blocks to confidence, fear of flying, quitting smoking, but the area closest to her heart is helping women with premenstrual mood issues, primarily PMDD or premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Hi, Natalie. Welcome to the show.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Hi, Doryn.
Doryn Wallach:
I am so excited to have you today, Rapid Transformational Therapy. So, you had contacted me through Instagram as I've mentioned before in the intro, but I'm really excited to start doing this process with you. I've never heard of it before. So, I'm glad to have you here giving information about it. I just want to start with, how did you even get started in this?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Well, so I had a psychology degree, which I'd never actually used. I always knew I wanted to go back to therapy. I did a whole singer-songwriter thing. I worked in marketing, did all this other stuff. But I was burning to get back into therapy, I knew that I probably had a real knack for. I'm the one that everyone would talk to in the lunch breaks about all this stuff.
Doryn Wallach:
That's me. I'm that person.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah, I go, "I shouldn't be in marketing. What am I doing?" So, I always knew I wanted to get into it. So, I came across Marisa Peer, who developed Rapid Transformational Therapy. She's an amazing, very inspiring woman. She's the one that Hollywood calls if they're having problems with their actors. They need to get them sorted out right away so they can get back on set. So, she's the best at what she does really in the world, I think.
The results that she gets with this therapy are almost miraculous. You almost can't believe it to start with. She developed this Rapid Transformational Therapy, RTT over 30 years. It combines the most effective principles of hypnotherapy, NLP psychotherapy, the timeline therapy, inner child work. All the best of that is rolled into one. It can clear stuff that you might have been dealing with for years like depression, anxiety, phobias, smoking, addictions-
Doryn Wallach:
Oh, wow.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
... within one to three sessions.
Doryn Wallach:
Wow.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah. So, I actually saw a video of hers. And then I went, "Bloody hell. This is unbelievable." And then I just went down this Marisa Peer rabbit hole. You just keep watching more.
Doryn Wallach:
You just get obsessed with something.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah. I just kept watching her and watching her going, "Okay." And then I discovered that, "Oh, she's actually teaching this therapy. Okay, that's it. This is what I've been waiting for. This is what I'm born for." So, I trained with Marisa and learned her therapy. It's changed my life. Personally, it's changed my life. All the crap that I quit being carrying, that I had been working on for years, doing all the personal growth and the self-help books and the meditation, the yoga and all that stuff just cleared everything in a very short space of time.
If anything does come up, if I find I'm triggered by anything now, I go, "Oh, what was that?" I would have just have RTT to sort it out, whether it's money blocks, receiving issues. I mean, it's not just for depression, anxiety, PMDD, things like that. I mean, any blocks. Even as you keep moving up and growing, you think, "Oh, why do I feel a bit scared to do a Facebook Live?", for example, something as basic as that. Well, you've got visibility fears, honey. So, you can have RTT on that. Why am I afraid? So, it's an incredible therapy.
Doryn Wallach:
Explain exactly what it is, because there's so much out there today that I find it extraordinarily overwhelming, but I am very open minded. Not that this podcast is going to be about PMDD, but I had read that it had really cured your PMDD. So, as I've mentioned before, I have tried everything. I will continue to try anything and everything if it works. So, tell us what RTT exactly is and how it differs from other types. I mean, you just went over it a little bit, but what is the process of RTT?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
So, hypnosis is the vehicle, because really, we need to get to the subconscious. You can do all the conscious work you like, but you will not get to, not likely, the real root cause of what's underneath. The best way I can probably explain it is with an example from a client. So, my client, let's call her Maria. She came to me because she said, "I have been trying to lose weight for years. I'm about 40 pounds overweight. I get the first 10 pounds off and then self-sabotage kicks in every time. All my good eating habits go to the dogs. I don't feel like exercising and then all the weight piles back on again." I thought, "Okay, well let's find out what's driving this self-sabotage, because there's a subconscious belief." That's why it's willpower versus subconscious.
Doryn Wallach:
By the way, when that happens to me, I'm like, "Oh, I'm so skinny. I can eat now."
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah, I mean, that's probably part of it that's just in nature that says, "Okay, go and have that cheesecake." But for her, this was an ongoing battle. She thought, "I want to lose this weight." Willpower wanted to lose the weight. Consciously, she wanted to be 20 kilos lighter. Her subconscious said, "That isn't happening, sister." So, she went, "Okay, why? What is this?" She said to me, "Look, I think I know what it is." I said, "Oh, yes. What do you think it is?" She said, "Well, I think it's because my mum was really jealous of my figure when I was younger." I said, "Yeah, it's not that." She goes, "What do you mean it's not that?" I said, "Well, you're aware of that, Maria. So, if it were that, you would have fixed it by now, wouldn't you?"
She goes, "I'm not a teenager anymore. I don't care what my mom thinks now." She goes, "Oh, gosh." She goes, "Well, what can it be?" I said, "Well, we'll find out, won't we?" So, the process is I put her into hypnosis, which is very easy. It's just a light. It's a light hypnosis. You're in control. You could open your eyes at any time if you really wanted to. I take it back to three to four scenes from her life that have everything to do with the route, the cause and the reason for why you are sabotaging your weight loss efforts.
Every scene she went back to and the subconscious will just pop the scene onto the screen of your mind. I said, "Okay, where are you?" I'm at home. How old are you? I'm five. What's happening here? My dad's taking pictures of me in my swimsuit. Okay, how are you feeling? Uncomfortable. So, the same goes on. Nothing bad's happening in particular, but it's just like, "He seems to think I'm too attractive. I don't like the way my dad is looking at me and taking pictures of me." So that's the first thing.
Next thing, she wins a trophy in swimming. A granddad says to her, "Oh, Maria, would you give me a picture of you in your swimmers holding the trophy, so I can put up a memento piece?" Again, she gets the same feeling of, "Ew, I don't like this attention I'm getting for my body. I don't want him to be looking at me in my swimmers." Third scene, she's at a family birthday party. There's some "uncle" in inverted commas there, some friend of the family, some old guy. Oh, come on, Maria. Come and sit up on Uncle Harry's knee. She's like, "I don't want to." Her dad's going, "Go on, go on. Go sit on Harry's knee. Go on." So, she's six years old. She goes over and she doesn't want to. She doesn't like it. He's touching her thigh, going, "Oh, you're a lovely little girl, aren't you?"
Nothing all that bad happens, but again, it's this feeling of, "Ugh, I don't like the attention I'm getting for my body." So of course, our clever little subconscious says, "Well, I know, if we make sure that if you're not too slim and you're not too attractive, you won't get that unwanted attention, will you?" That's what was underneath.
Doryn Wallach:
She wasn't aware of that at all until you-
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
She wasn't in the slightest way aware of it. So, then we have to undo it. That's the next part of the process where she has her adult self goes back to little Maria and says, "Listen, honey. When you're older, this won't feel this way. You know that you're not in danger. You're safe. I've got you and I'm always going to look after you. I'm always going to protect you. I won't let anyone come near you who you don't feel safe with. So, you're completely safe. You can run around in your swimmers. You can be slim and beautiful and gorgeous. I want that for you."
So, she has a pep talk with her younger self. It's like going back in a time machine and fixing everything back in time psychologically in your mind. So, that you don't have that belief. You undo it. And then she also is able to remove the part that is running that sabotage and say, "Listen, I don't need you. Thanks for your help, but I want to look hot in my bikini. I'm 47. My dad, he's welcome to pervert me all day long. I don't care," right? There's a difference. So, then it's like shift, and her mind changes. When she comes out of that hypnosis, she's got a new set of beliefs. And then her behavior changes, because the beliefs run the behavior.
Doryn Wallach:
So, I can't even meditate. I barely can focus. My head is all over the place. So, anytime I've heard about hypnosis and I'm sure somebody else is thinking this, I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. There's no way anyone could ever make me get to that place, because I'm typically somewhat anxious and my mind is processing." Is that a common fear of your patients?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah, definitely. I work with a lot of women who have PMDD. Anxiety is a huge part of that. So, I'm used to having clients come to me and they're like, "Oh, what if it doesn't work?" I say, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, listen to me now." But I can't visualize. I go, "Okay. Do you know the way back down to the front door?" They say, "Yeah." I go, "How do you know that? Because you're seeing it, aren't you?" Oh, yeah. Yeah, actually. I think the thing that people are afraid of with hypnosis is they think they're going to lose control. They have this idea of this stage hypnotist making them and turning them into a chicken.
Doryn Wallach:
All right. Well, I think that's my other thing. I'm a control freak.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
I think that's the thing, I'm not going to be able to let go. So, look, all hypnosis is self-hypnosis for the first thing. Second thing is you cannot do anything, unless you want to do it. Even people who get up on stage and act like chickens, they're chosen because they are up for it. The stage hypnotist knows that. It's like if I said to you, "Look, from tomorrow, you're going to dye your hair green," but you're not going to because you don't want that. Your mind works for you. You're the gatekeeper. So, you're going to be able to say, "Actually, I don't want that." The hypnosis won't work. The suggestions will not work unless you want what I'm telling you that you want.
So, if I say you are confident, you are amazing, you feel so great, you're not going to go, "Well, I don't want that." You're going to go, "Yes, please. Bring it on." And then you are the one commanding your subconscious mind saying, "Are you listening? Listen to that. That's what I want. That's what I insist upon for myself now." So, all the power is with you.
I think it's important to let my clients know that you are the one in control here. I'm just a humble facilitator, helping your subconscious and conscious mind have a little chat. So, that you can upgrade your operating system. But I'm not programming you. You are and you're the only one who can. So, that tends to help people to say, "Okay, yeah, I want that. I want to let go and I want to have this experience." I think you can resist me if you want to and it's not going to work; or you can just go with it and then it will work. Just let go and it will work.
Doryn Wallach:
Do you find that this is working better now for women over 40? Because I think we are at that age where we're letting go of a lot of stuff and we're becoming more open minded as we get older.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
I think the reason that so many of my clients are 30s, 40s is because it's taken that long to work out that they have PMDD for one thing. Women go undiagnosed for years with it. Yeah, there is that readiness to heal. That's another thing. There are four stages of readiness to healing. It begins with victimhood and ends with, "I am willing to do whatever it takes." That's where I want my clients to be. I don't want to drag them out of victimhood. I don't want to force or try and drag a horse to water and make it drink. That's not what I want to do. You're the power. I'm there to help you use that power. Thirties and 40s is when a woman starts to go, "I'm ready. I got to sort this out. I do not want the next half of my life to be carrying all this baggage."
Doryn Wallach:
Yes, the whole point of my podcast. Exactly.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah.
Doryn Wallach:
Can you talk us through what happens in a typical RTT session? I know, you went over it a little bit, but a little bit more in detail.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
So, it starts with the induction. So, basically, we create rapid eye movement. That actually induces an alpha brainwave state. It's a bit of a brain hack, I suppose. Because when the eyes are up, your brain thinks, "Oh, oh, Doryn's about to start dreaming." No, you're just not, but the brain thinks, "Well, the eyes are doing REM." So, now, the brain is going to move to an alpha brainwave state. It's a slower, more suggestible brainwave state.
It's actually the brainwave state that children are in up until about the age of seven. That's why they are so suggestible little sponges. They learn languages really easily. So, that's where we need to get you back to. So, you can edit the program that you laid down in your first seven years of life. So, I put you into hypnosis, walk you down some stairs. And then we test for suggestibility. I have a few little tests to see that your subconscious is responding the way we need it to.
Doryn Wallach:
Then what do you do? What are those tests?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
I tell you, you've got a really heavy bucket in your hand full of wet sand and then your arm feels like it's made of lead. It'll start getting pulled down. You're like, "Whoa." So, your eyelids are sealed shut. They're locked tight. They're closed together. You can try to open them, but you're going to find their seals are shut. They are too, I can't even open them. So, because the subconscious is believing. Or I'll tell you, you've just taken a bite of a lemon. Now, your mouth is filling with saliva, because there's a lemon and your mouth does fill with saliva. So, it's just testing that the subconscious is listening to the suggestions and responding. And then we regress back to three scenes, where we go through and I find, "Okay, what's the belief being formed here?" And then it becomes pretty clear.
Then I get you to say, "Right, here's your life today. You got this problem here. Here are the scenes that your subconscious brought to you to tell you here's why. Now put that together. What do you understand?" Client understands that. Of course, the subconscious is right there to help them. I do lots of other things. If someone's done something wrong to you or a parent or anyone in your life who's hurt you, there's dialoguing with the hurt that we do. So, you can really release a lot of stuff that you may never get to say. Sometimes I've had clients whose parents have passed on, and they've never got to have this conversation. They can have that in hypnosis. It's very healing.
What else do we do? Upgrading the child's mind; going back as the adult self; talking to that little child; saying, "I'm becoming a loving parent to you now. I know just how to meet your needs. Listen, I know you thought you weren't good enough when this happened, but you are good enough. You've always been good enough." So, having that talk with your younger self, bringing your younger self back to where you are now, saying, "Look how different everything is. Look at all the food in the fridge. We buy that for ourselves now. You have the control now. Look at all the clothes in the cupboard. They're all yours that you've bought." Showing the child that you do have power now. You're not the dependent child who you used to be. You end up growing up to be strong and independent.
And then at the end of all of the upgrading and the releasing and the dialoguing, then I create a recording. That's called the transformation. All that's in it is just a whole lot of awesome positive suggestions, because the mind rewires through repetition. Neural pathways for neuroplasticity is that the neurons that fire together wire together. So, we fire a thought when I give you a suggestion. I'm telling you, "You feel amazing. You feel alive. You feel confident." I give scenarios of what that would look like. You're visualizing that. Your mind's moving towards it. It starts to wire that in as your reality, and then you listen to the recording for 30 days. That's RTT, yeah, the best explanation I can give of it without you actually having this.
Doryn Wallach:
No, that was a great explanation. What happens if somebody doesn't come up with something? What do you do then?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
I've got all sorts of tricks.
Doryn Wallach:
Okay. Okay, that's good.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah. Yeah, I can take them back to the bedroom that they were in when they were a child. I can have a talk to that child. Gosh, that just so rarely ever happens that something doesn't come. Maybe 1 in 100 clients or something where nothing comes. And then I say, "Okay, you know what? You're going to have a primary recording to listen to. You're have a little practice with that for a week. We're going to come back, and we're going to try again." It's going to go great the next time. And then it usually goes great the second time.
Doryn Wallach:
I want to ask you about sleep, because I can't explain my sleep situation. I can fall asleep. I do wake up a couple of times. I can go back to sleep. I have vivid, vivid dreams that I have my whole life. I've never woken up feeling rested. I've tried everything under the moon for that. Is this something that RTT can help with?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah, sure. Because anything that you're basically just like, "I don't want this," but the behavior is there. Consciously, I just want to sleep through the night, but something inside of me thinks it's important or necessary for me to be hyper vigilant all night long. Why is that there? Well, you don't know why, but your subconscious does, because it's running it. So, that's what I would say. We're going to go back now to the root, the cause and the reason for why you wake up during the night. And then your mind will go, "Oh, sure. I'll tell you why I'm doing that." It'll take you back to why that's an issue. It'll be different for everybody, but there's something there that it thinks it's protecting you. It's always about protection, keeping you safe.
Doryn Wallach:
You just triggered something, which is really funny. It's not that funny. My parents got divorced when I was nine, but my dad snored a lot. My room was right near my parents. All night long, I could hear my mom going, "Larry, stop snoring. Stop snoring." That would keep me up, because I would hear her doing that all night. Now, I'm starting to understand what you're talking about, because that randomly popped in my head. I haven't thought about that in years.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Exactly, because your subconscious is always on. You don't necessarily have to be in hypnosis to have the subconscious pop up with a clue.
Doryn Wallach:
Right, right.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
In the program I have for PMDD, I teach a process that you can do for yourself to give yourself a little Rapid Transformational Therapy. What's triggered this? What's the feeling? Where do I know this feeling from? You'll just be talking about that. Your mind did it. It probably has something to do with that, where you sense your mom's agitation and then you became hyper vigilant going, "Oh, I hope dad doesn't snore, because then mom's going to get upset." So, you as a baby started to switch on, trying to make sure that their relationship would be okay. Because if their relationship isn't okay, then I'm not okay.
So, there was a hypervigilance that came in the night that could be around your dad snoring. It could easily be about that. It could also be something else that your subconscious will show you in the session. And then you go, "Oh, that's why." And then you realize, "Well, I'm not that nine year old girl. I don't live with my parents anymore."
Doryn Wallach:
Now, I just live with my husband who snores.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah, well, our history repeats, doesn't it?
Doryn Wallach:
Right, exactly.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah. I guess yeah, there is also a little bit of that that we carry down things and we repeat things too.
Doryn Wallach:
Oh, for sure. So, I know that for you, this cured your PMDD. I've done quite a few episodes on PMDD now. Explain exactly how it helped you. What were you like before doing the therapy and what were you like after?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
I would just make mountains out of molehills and feel I was completely right about it. Get very, very upset, get very, very angry. Just drama, drama, drama, drama. And then my period would come and then I go, "Oh, well, that wasn't over. Why was I even upset?" I couldn't get in the same mindset. I was like, "I cannot understand why I made such a big deal out of that." It was just such magnification of the smallest things.
Do you want to hear what I now understand about PMDD? This is what PMDD is, according to me in my humble yet very experienced opinion. PMDD is a hormonal shift. There's three things that create PMDD. These are the three things, hormonal shift, unresolved trauma, and higher than usual sensitivity. If you have all three, then good chances, you're going to experience premenstrual dysphoria.
Doryn Wallach:
Check, check, check.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Check, check, check. You've got them all. So many of my clients are nurses, artists, yoga instructors, ridiculously, so many. They're all creative, empathetic beings, therapists, nurses, primary school teachers, artists, like yourself. You do jewelry design that requires creativity. So, creative empathic women who have a cycle because the hormonal shift dropped it. The estrogen just goes, "Bye-bye. That's the accommodating hormone. Once the estrogen goes and the progesterone peaks, now you've got truth serum. Anything that's been stuck below the surface before is now right at the surface.
I use a lot of metaphors. It's like a box of pain opens up that's just usually hidden to you, but the box of pain opens up. It's like a magnifying glass goes on top of that. That's all you can see and feel. You can go and take antidepressants if you want. That will dampen the sensitivity. So, that's one way. You can just get rid of your monthly cycle, have a hysterectomy, and get rid of it that way. Or option three, which is what I do, you can heal the trauma that's being triggered every single month. Because if you look at what's triggered and if you sit with it, what's actually happening is your childhood wounds are being pushed upon.
That's definitely true for me when I look at what I'm angry about and what meaning I'm assigning to, for example, my husband's actions. Oh, he's late. He hasn't even texted to tell me he's going to be late. Well, that can only mean he doesn't even care about me. No, it could mean 100 other things, but I'm focusing on the one that's going to hurt me the most. That's pointing to my wound. That's what I work with women on. What story are you telling yourself about what this means? Because that is a direct link to where you are wounded.
You're not upset about your husband being late. You're upset because you think he doesn't care about you. You think he doesn't care about you, because your dad didn't care about you and your parents divorced. He left and he didn't call for six months. That's why you're so upset right now. That's what we need to heal. Not that your husband didn't text you, whatever. It's nothing. It's the wound and there's a grain of salt hit the wound. Now, you're getting angry at the person who threw the grain of salt. No, the wound is the problem. That's what we're here with RTT.
Doryn Wallach:
I'm actually really happy that you bring this up, because I think that there are women who don't want to get to the root, cause of some of their anxiety, depression. I had actually interviewed my doctor who's a reproductive psychiatrist. I had asked him, is trauma commonly found in women with PMDD? He said, "Absolutely, we've definitely found a link to that." Until maybe two years ago, I never did my real inner child work and therapy. I was very, "Whatever."
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
It's all right. It's a long time ago.
Doryn Wallach:
Right, I'm the type of person that's like, "It's in the past. I'm just going to ignore it," which is the worst thing you could do. I mean, it's intense when you start going into it, because you get to a point where you're like, "I don't want to think about this anymore. Do this." However, it does heal you in ways and help you move forward from things. So, I love that that's part of this. I think it's a really important thing. Everybody should do it. Also, by the way, it makes me very nervous as a mom that I'm screwing my kids up and then they're going to be doing inner child work, which they will be.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
That's right. You have to say, "Darling, you're going to have to become the loving parent to yourself eventually, one day." Yes. The other thing, Doryn, is the things that you think, "Oh, gosh, I'm sure I've messed them up from that," that's probably the thing that's not messing them up. The thing that is going to mess them up is some interpretation they make, which is completely out of your control. So, look, we do our best. That's all we can do. We can say to our children, "Honey, guess what? I'm not perfect." The best thing you can say to your child is, "I'm not perfect."
Doryn Wallach:
I say it all the time.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah, I do, too.
Doryn Wallach:
I tell them it's not a word. There's no such thing as perfection. It's funny this morning, I said to my son... He was watching Pokémon. The mom said, "You know what? Being a mom is the hardest job in the world or something." He goes, "Mommy, she said being a mom is hardest job in the world." I said, "Yeah, it is. It's pretty hard." I said, "Most nights I go to bed feeling like I failed you guys or I did something that may affect you." He looked at me very confused. He's like, "You're a great mom."
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
That's right now.
Doryn Wallach:
Right, but my kids have never... I hate to say this. They don't often tell me I'm a great mom. It's not that they're like, "You're the best mom." I don't hear that often. So, to hear that today was like "Oh, okay, that's good."
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah, yeah, something about mum guilt, I think, is so important. Don't we all have it? Here's something I've learned about mum guilt. I had a friend. She's a singer. She had to work a lot of nights, I mean, a few nights a week. She felt such guilt about this. So, I remember seeing her one day talk to her daughter. She was so full of guilt. She's saying, "I'm so sorry, darling. But yeah, I've got to go out tonight and I've got to sing tonight." The thing is her daughter was probably not going to think anything of it, but the child looks to the mother. When the mother's saying, "I feel so bad about this," the child says, "Oh, is this really bad? Is it? You're doing something awful to me, aren't you?"
Now, the child's going to think something's wrong, because the mother is modeling, there's something wrong. I spoke to her and said, "You're such a great mom." There are plenty of moms... I have to start work earlier in the morning. I have to have my child in after school club, because I don't finish work until later, but you, you get to have breakfast with her. You get to pick her up right when school finishes. You have all afternoon together.
Because you work in the evenings, you have so much more time with her. She goes, "Well, I didn't think of it like that." I said, "That's how you present it to her and say, 'We're so lucky. We're so lucky. Because mommy sings at nighttime, we get all this other time that other children don't get with their mommies.' Now, she's going to feel good about you going out and singing and how different that is." We can maybe convince ourselves if I just feel guilty enough, I'm controlling or undoing the hurt, but actually you're creating it.
Doryn Wallach:
No, I do. I mean, I'm sitting here with my mouth open. It's amazing and how have I never thought of it before. You think about all this. I mean, I'm like, "Oh, God. I've said things like that so many times."
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah, the mum guilt, it's you're telling them something. They would otherwise have gone, "Oh, I'm fine." I remember being a kid. My mom was working a lot. We owned a kindergarten actually. We had our house upstairs and the kindergarten downstairs. My mom was so stressed. She was working her butt off down there in this kindergarten. It was killing her. She's like, "Oh, God." The mom guilt was eating her up. I don't remember feeling neglected at all. I loved it. We were down there playing with all the other kids in the kindergarten. I got to use all the crafts things and the pencils and the glue and the paper.
Meanwhile, my mom was eating herself up inside mum guilt thinking we were being neglected. That were some of the best times in my life, I remember when we lived in that kindergarten. She goes, "Oh, my gosh. I felt so guilty." I said, "Oh, you didn't need to do that. I didn't feel the least bit of neglect at all." But had she said to me, "I'm so sorry, darling. Oh, I know, I'm not there for you." I'd be like, "Oh, aren't you? Oh, gosh. Yeah, this is bad, isn't it?" But I was completely oblivious otherwise. So, yeah, mom guilt.
Doryn Wallach:
This is so, so, so great that you're talking about this, because last night in our Instagram Live, a couple of women were responding to mom guilt and how awful it is. I said, "Oh, that's a podcast idea. We need to talk more about guilt." So, I think that's a beautiful way to look at it. Just with that little piece of advice, you could change a lot of women's mothering. I wish I hadn't just heard that from you when I have a 13 year old. It's too late.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
I know. I've got four kids. If I knew back on child number one what I knew by child number four, things would be a lot better. I wish I could go back with what I know, but that's life. We just learn as we go along.
Doryn Wallach:
Right. I think that's a good thing to hear out loud, because I think if anyone is listening with younger kids, I think it's part of being human, right? Exactly what we just said, we're not perfect. We're learning. I think the only thing that we can teach our kids one day is that "Listen, life is a lesson. We learn things as we went along." So, I'm glad you said that. I'm glad you have four kids to make the rest of us feel better. I'm only screwing up two.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah.
Doryn Wallach:
I think we got a little off track about the session, because I knew that we went through the hypnosis process. What comes after that?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Oh, well, then I do the transformation at the end, which I was talking about, which is all just the positive stuff. I've made that as a recording. And then you listen to the recording for 30 days to solidify. So, yeah, that's everything. And then we will follow up.
Doryn Wallach:
Every day for 30 days?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Every day for 30 days, because the mind learns by repetition. So, the more you hear the same thing over and over, your mind says, "Oh, okay, I may as well wire this in, save you saying it all the time." It's a bit like riding a bike. To start with, you have to concentrate on where I put my feet on the pedals, but then it becomes automatic. That's what we want to do with the thoughts that I'm good enough, right? You want that to be your automatic wired in setting.
Doryn Wallach:
Do you remember there was an old Saturday Night Live... I don't know if you watched Saturday Night Live.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
I'm going to say it depends, because I didn't watch all of it. Yeah.
Doryn Wallach:
There was this character. I forget, it was something handy or something. He used to go, "You're good enough. You're smart enough." Gosh, darn it, people like you or something like that. He used to say it in the mirror over and over again.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Affirmations, yeah.
Doryn Wallach:
Using affirmation, God, I don't remember what the character's name, but it's actually funny. There's truth in that, into hearing something over and over again. Just the way you hear something negative over and over again, you're going to start to believe it as well.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Oh, yeah. Most people's thoughts are negative all day long, playing that old record over and over and over again in the background. We're maintaining the wiring with the negative thinking. So, that's why it's important to have this recording to come and undo that, because the mind can't hold two conflicting beliefs. That's another rule of the mind that we work with, with RTT, that if you've got a belief that says, "I'm not good enough," and then a recording comes in everyday and says, "You are worthy. You are lovable. You are enough," over and over and over again, the mind starts going, "Cannot compute, which one is it? Because I'm hearing them both." It will keep the one that it hears the most. So, that's why it's important.
There's a really good video, Joe Dispenza's TED talk that shows this actually, the neural pathways and exactly what happens. Once you see that, you just go, "Oh, my gosh. Mind blown, I can actually change my brain." You'll understand why RTT works the way it does that you really are rewiring your brain. And then once you've rewired it, it works better for you.
Doryn Wallach:
What's been your most successful outcome with a client? Is there one that sticks out in your mind?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
There's so many, I'm just going to pick one. This is a PMDD client. She'd attempted suicide several times. She was on medication, quite strong medication. She'd been seeing her psychiatrist for two years. She was on the waiting list for a hysterectomy. She came to me saying, "This is my last hope before I have my uterus and ovaries removed." So, she was really ready to do what it took, which isn't that much. RTT is a good experience. It's not like I'm dragging you over hot coals. This is a good experience. But she did have to go back and revisit and heal some heavy stuff from her past. There was sexual abuse. There's quite a lot of that I find in my clients. The more I've done this work, I've thought, "Damn it. It's rife, isn't it?" This whole #MeToo Movement, I see why it's there, because it's a problem.
So, we did a lot of healing work. I mean, the moment for me, where I just got goosebumps and tears, was she sent me a message from Disneyland. She sent a picture of her with her husband and her daughter. She said, "This time last year, my family went to Disneyland without me, because I was in hospital after attempting suicide. Here I am now. We're having the best time. I'm due in my period any day and I just feel great. I just feel like my best self."
Her whole life changed. She's gone on to study a master's in psychology. She's going to be a therapist herself by next year. She's up out of bed every day 6:00 AM with her daughter. She couldn't get out of bed for weeks at a time sometimes. That's completely finished. She's just healed all of the stuff that was creating all these issues. She doesn't have PMDD. She doesn't consider herself to have PMDD anymore. Her psychiatrist went, "I do not understand what just happened here." She's not on any medication at all. She's just healed. She's a healed woman.
Doryn Wallach:
When do you make that transition?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Well, I think you could feel it in yourself. Of course, I don't say, "Right, go off your medication." That's not my job and I would never. That's a choice between her and her psychiatrist. But he said, "Oh, my. I can see that you physically look like a different person. Okay, well, let's taper it off. Let's see. If you're feeling confident, let's taper it off." So, that's what she did. She just tapered off under his instructions. Now, she doesn't have any medication. Her marriage too was hanging on by a thread. Now, we're Facebook friends. I mean, of course everyone's Facebook looks amazing.
Doryn Wallach:
I'm not on there for that reason. I got over it many years ago.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
I can see how things have really, really shifted for their relationship to. They're out on date nights. You can just say things are really good for them. So, that's an amazing story, but yeah, there's just lots and lots of them. It's an amazing job.
Doryn Wallach:
Well, I am grateful to you for doing what you're doing and helping women, especially the women that do have PMDD. I know that's just one thing that you treat, but thank you for dedicating your time to doing this, because it's something I actually never heard about. I'm very excited to get started when we do. I mean, at this point right now, I'm on birth control. I'm on antidepressants. I take something for sleep, but I don't want to be on any of those. This is the first time in my life, where I've allowed to get on all of these things. So, I am a good candidate for you.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah, I'm excited to start our work together. Yeah, it's going to be fascinating. You're going to find it fascinating because I do. It's new. Even though it's the same therapy every day, it's a different story all the time, because everyone's life story is different. What's the puzzle that we need to put together? It's so fascinating and fun and emotional and beautiful.
Doryn Wallach:
For sure.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
But no, I mean, I have to do this work, because I know the pain of it. I thought it was the worst suffering. It is hell week, it is. I couldn't just keep it to myself. I had to share my story. I have to share other women's stories and keep spreading this message that it's not a life sentence until menopause. You don't need to have a hysterectomy. You don't need to stay on strong antidepressants. There is another way too. I want to give women that hope. You got to be ready for it. Like I said, there are stages of readiness.
I certainly went through a stage where I just wanted to say, "No, I've got PMDD. That's why. The diagnosis explains everything. That's my get out of overreactions free card." But in the end, my husband said, "You're going to have to master this." I felt like, "You try mastering it. It's so hard," but he was right. That was a turning point for me when I realized, "Well, no one's coming to save me. It's going to have to be me." And then when the student was ready, the teacher appeared in the form of Marisa Peer in a YouTube ad before. I didn't press skip. All because I didn't press skip ad, like I usually would have done, the rest of my life has completely changed. So, you never know how you're going to stumble across what you need.
Doryn Wallach:
That's wonderful. Thank you so much for coming on and explaining this. Obviously, after we've done our work together, you are going to come back.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Yeah. And then we can interview you and say, "Okay, Doryn."
Doryn Wallach:
How about you interview me? Yeah, we're going to have to reverse the interview. You're right.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
No, you can tell us all about it and hear it from the client side. So, that'll be really interesting to hear.
Doryn Wallach:
Okay, where can everyone find you?
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
So, I'm on Instagram on @natalieryanhebert. So, Hebert is H-E-B-E-R-T. It's not Herbert, which everybody spells it that way, even my bank. It's H-E-B-E-R-T, Natalie Ryan Hebert. I've got a website, natalieryanhebert.com. I'm on Facebook. I have The Red Tent program. If you search The Red Tent for PMDD, you'll find me. I'm on the internet. Yeah.
Doryn Wallach:
I'm pretty sure you're there. And then I will have everything on my website. I just launched a new website, which is nice and organized. We'll also have it in the show notes. So, thank you very much again. I'm looking forward to our follow-up podcast.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
Wonderful. Thanks so much, Doryn.
Doryn Wallach:
Okay. Have a good day.
Natalie Ryan Hebert:
You, too.
Doryn Wallach:
Until next time. Thank you for joining me once again for another episode. We'll have a lot more exciting things coming up. Keep your comments and messages coming to me about what you want to hear more about, because that helps me to find the best guests and make the best episodes.
Thank you so much for listening. Remember to give yourself permission and know that you are not alone. Don't forget to subscribe, so you don't miss any episodes. Reviews are always appreciated. You can reach me by email at itsnotacrisis@gmail, Instagram, @ItsNotACrisisPodcast. Please join our Facebook group as well. Until next time. Just remember, it's not a crisis.
